My Sacrifice
by DemonsxXxHeart
Summary: Her scent lurked through out the palace, even though she had been gone for nearly a year now. Everything seemed so tedious now, like there was nothing left for him to live for. The air was tranquil, and even though the sun still shown, he couldn't feel its heat caress his skin. It was like he was condemned to an eternity in the cold. -Reuploaded-


**Title**: My Sacrifice

**Author**: DemonsxXxHeart

**Word** **Count**: 4,249

**Rating**: T - Some language, character death, suicide.

**Status**: Complete, Rewritten Version.

**Song Inspiration**: **(Part One) **Breath - Breaking Benjamin **(Part Two) **Utopia - Within Temptation

**Disclaimer: **If I eat Rumiko Takahashi, does that mean I now own her stuff? Cause she would be in me, a part of me? Kidding…

The cold iron sword warmed up in my sweaty, trembling palms as I trekked across the bloodied battlefield, my eyes set on the lone figure of a man in the center. A slow trickle of blood dripped down my face from a cut at my temple, sliding down and onto my lips. The man turned his attention towards me, dark sapphire pupils surrounded by crimson met my eyes. The magenta Daiyoukai marks upon his cheeks were rough and jagged. I had no choice but to make eye contact with him, and as soon as our eyes locked my heartbeat began hammering inside me so hard I thought the artery would explode. His unsympathetic gaze never wavered from mine, he watched me like I was prey.

And to him I _was_ prey.

This was not the youkai I was used to seeing, this was a youkai I had only seen fighting against others; never in my wildest nightmares had I ever imagined that I would be the one opposing this frenzied beast.

Never had I thought that he would turn on _me_.

He had once sworn to protect me forever, that no one would lay a finger upon me for as long as his heart shall beat. However, neither of us had expected the unexpected. Neither of us had thought that I would one day need protection against _him_.

I couldn't help but trembled in shock at the horrifying realization. _This was really happening. _Treacherous tears betrayed me by welling in my eyes. Time seemed to freeze and pass me by as I gazed at the one person to ever completely understand me. The one person I would give my life for. _If_ I killed him, I would be betraying him; he had given me life when I died…

Nevertheless, wouldn't it still be a betrayal to disobey and break the promise I had agreed on? I had sworn that I would keep that promise, and without my word what do I have?

Nothing.

Not even Sesshoumaru-sama…

_I know I swore, but… How can I keep to this? How can you expect me to do this?_

My heart and mind were in a conflicting mess. _I can't win._

A part of me would forever be dead after this final confrontation.

Across the field the deranged youkai lord stared me down, hunger burning in his dark scarlet and sapphire gaze - a hunger for blood.

My blood…

_**- Flashback -**_

"_You must be ready to destroy this Sesshoumaru if he loses control, Rin. Now will not be the time to stop and mull over ways to save this Sesshoumaru. Hesitation will get you slaughtered before you could think to act against. You must think of this Sesshoumaru as a formidable foe, not your lover."_

"_But, Sesshoumaru- sama…"_

"_No buts, Rin." His voice interrupted. "You must accept these terms before this Sesshoumaru allows you permission to come. This Sesshoumaru must have your word that you will kill him if he turns completely… If you do not, then not only will the whole army be terminated by this Sesshoumaru's hand but you will as well and then everyone who stands in the way. Now __**promise.**__"_

"_It won't happen." I said with a new determination, my eyes locked onto his amber gaze._

"_Promise." He said again, his voice stern and leaving no room for negotiation._

"_I will not promise anything that I may not be able to accomplish, my lord. You as well as I know that I would be no match for you…"_

"_You are the West's only hope, Rin." He murmured. His body pressed against mine from behind, his nose and lips pressed to my neck. I reached behind me and slipped my hands through his thick silver hair, kneading his scalp lightly. "You are one person who - even in insanity - This Sesshoumaru highly doubts he could kill. Wound, yes. However, kill? No. If this Sesshoumaru were to transform he would go after everyone you loved and his own army before you." He whimpered lightly as he pulled my body atop his own. "We leave three days from now, allow this Sesshoumaru to show you how much you mean to him before then?" _

_I smiled down at him, knowing that he would never say the words I so desperately yearned to hear; he moved the kimono off my shoulders and allowed it to pool at my waist. "You need not to ask permission, my lord. I am yours whenever you may want."_

**(Part Removed Due To Lemon/Lime, Link To Original Will Be On My Profile.)**

_He rolled over again and stood on the floor; picking up his pants and pulled them over his hips. "You have yet to promise this Sesshoumaru; also, you are denying his request. That is disrespectful." He stated spitefully and started to walk out of my bed-chambers. _

"_Sesshoumaru- sama?" I questioned, "You leave because I refuse to be disrespectful and call you by your name? Or because I refuse to make a promise I cannot keep?" _

"_Do as you please, Rin. You have done so before. However, this Sesshoumaru will refuse your request to come along on this trip if you refuse to promise…" He said, his amber eyes glancing back towards my nude body. "It is not disrespectful to call this Sesshoumaru by his name if he demands it of his __**mate**_."

_With that said, the stoic youkai turned; leaving behind the wide-eyed human. 'I'm his… mate?' I jumped out of bed and quickly threw on my discarded kimono that laid upon the floor and followed the Western Lord down the hallways. "Sesshoumaru- sama! Wait, what do you mean by 'mate'? Surly you cannot be talking about me. I… You cannot be mated to an unworthy human!" _

_He turned and faced me again, crushing me up against a wall. "How old are you, Rin? How long have you been with this Sesshoumaru?"_

_I blinked quickly… "I… do not know Mi'lord…"_

"_Nearly_ _a decade and a half, Rin. You have been this Sesshoumaru's mate since you were seventeen. Surly you have noticed that you have not aged." _

"_Has it truly been that long?"_

_His amber gaze looked as if it could tear a hole right through to my soul. "Yes, Rin. It has." _

_I do not know what made me say the words, but nonetheless, I said them. "I promise."_

_**- Flashback Ends - **_

I accepted… _And he lost it._ I thought to myself; trying my best to keep my face as stoic as his usually was.

His eyes tracked my every move, _How am I to annihilate you, my love? You are my protector, my guardian angel, my rock, my home… _No; I had promised him, and it would be a betrayal to disobey.

He growled low in his throat; I could almost feel the vibration it caused, even across the field where I stood. I watched him for signs of movement as he did the same, accessing my level of threat.

"Sesshoumaru- sama, please forgive me, even in your twisted mind. This will be the last time we meet…" I whispered over the howling wind and the salty spray of the ocean. My eyes became blurry with tears. _There is no way I will be able to subsist after this. There is no way I could live without you, my love._

"**You challenge?" **He asked in a foreign timbre.

"I challenge." I answered, my voice wavering. _He's not Sesshoumaru- sama… Do not think… Kill… Just… Kill…_

He was on me in a matter of seconds, his insane, deranged mind making him faster, stronger, and wilder than I had ever seen him at before; his only flaw was his abruptness. The only thing I had an upper-hand on was my mind.

_**- Flashback - **_

"_A quick, sane mind can be your greatest ally." He murmured from his position under me. I looked from his shoulders - that I had just been massaging - to his liquid gold eyes. His head was tilted so he could see me._

"_What?" I questioned, my eyes seeking out his while rolling off of his back and onto the empty place on his bed beside him. _

"_Quick thinking, a strategizer, sanity. Those can alone make or break you in a fight. How do you think this Sesshoumaru has stayed alive as long as he has? No one challenges the intelligent youkai, only the stupid morons who do not know any better, but they are usually taken down within a couple of seconds," He said trailing off for a second, "But then again, Inuyasha is quite imprudent yet he is still alive… Remind this Sesshoumaru next time you go to see the younger Priestess, Kagome was it? - Well, remind this Sesshoumaru to ask Inuyasha how he manages. It bewilders this Sesshoumaru."_

_I couldn't help but giggle at that, though on Inuyasha's defenses he's not completely stupid… Maybe a bit irrational and quite brute… But he usually thinks - somewhat - of a plan… I think… Actually, I was not truly sure, but it is not like I was going to tell Sesshoumaru- sama that…_

_**- Flashback Ends - **_

Those words were engraved into my mind.

_This is the end. _I thought sourly. _No more Sesshoumaru- sama to guide me._

However, that is life. All things die; the pure, the wicked, the virtuous, the tainted, the innocent, and the not so innocent. No one in this world was truly immortal. No one was truly invincible. The greatest of people die, and sometimes the foulest of people live. Youkai of all ages, races, genders, specie, and strength were dying; youkai slayers were having a hard time controlling them. I remembered years ago, back before I was the Lady of the Western Lands, Kagome told me that within five-hundred years there would be no more youkai. In her time none existed and that they were all just a myth. She did not know what happened to them, why they all died… I did now. A sickness in their minds. A plague that killed them all.

_Of course, I was always planning on him out- living me, not the other way around. _I thought quickly as he approached me, practically flying across the field of bodies.

I braced myself for the impact, lifting the all-of-a-sudden heavy sword to block him, although he paid it hardly any attention at all and drew his own. His crimson eyes the nightmare I always despised seeing. The uncontrolled part of him. For me, stoic eyes were typical, innocuous. Crimson were instability, hazardous.

_**- Flashback - **__(This Flashback is before the one where she found out she was his mate.)_

"_You're worried." I whispered as I opened the large doors to Sesshoumaru- sama's bed chamber, knowing he was still awake even at this ungodly hour. I slipped silently into the opaque room, closing the wooden double doors behind me. I looked towards his bed where his figure lay, the moonlight through the window illuminating his silver hair and the gold of his eyes. _

"_Possibly." Came his low reply. "This Sesshoumaru is worried about you." He added nearly silently after a couple minutes._

"_Me?" I questioned, slipping into the bed beside him. _

"_You, as well as this Sesshoumaru, knows that there is a prominent chance that he will not live. He will either be eradicated by an enemies blade or…"_

"_Me." I finished, curling my body along the length of his. "Do not think of what may happen, my lord." _

_He seemingly ignored me, continuing off with some thought in his head. "This Sesshoumaru has no heir and Inuyasha is inadequate to rule. The Western Domain will perish along with myself if I fail to survive."_

_I kissed his shoulder lightly, letting out a breath of warm air. "If you think like that, you will succumb to nothing more then a memory." I mumbled as he pulled me on top of him, straddling his waist. "What shall I do without you, my lord?"_

"_Live." Was all the reply he bothered to give. "You are gorgeous." He murmured as he shifted my weight. "This Sesshoumaru is sorry that he could never give you what you desired."_

_I bent down, capturing his lips with my own. "I will take what I can. I can live with never being your mate, or the mother of a hanyou between us. I will never disgrace you in your home." I said, the familiar 'ping!' and tightening in my heart coming, choking me._

"_You could never disgrace this Sesshoumaru, Rin."_

_I smiled at the obvious lie, I was already disgracing him. Everyone in the castle knew of our relationship. Everyone knew I was the concubine of the Western Lord. It hurt knowing that I wasn't even the only concubine he used. _

_I was just the main. _

_- __**Flashback in the Flashback - **_

"_Rin?" _

"_Go away." _

"_Please, Rin? Talk to me. I thought we were friends…"_

_I looked at Keiko through blurry, blood- shot eyes. Something behind her eyes clicked then and she knew…_

"_You knew all along… Everyone knew, except for me."_

"_I would have told you… But it is his business, and we were all told to stay out of it."_

"_And yet, here you are demanding to know what I was upset about! You dare say we are friends? Why would you keep this from me!" I shouted, watching her cringe. I took a deep breath. "How many are there?"_

"_Rin…"_

"_Answer me!" I yelled again, my eyes burning with tears I refused to shed… Nothing could compare to the pain in my heart. "Do not lie to me. I have been lied to enough. How. Many. Are. There?"_

"_There are five…" She finally said, her voice sounding strained, suspicious…_

_Nervous. _

"_Who are they? List by use."_

"_You, being number one. Then Naomi, Marika, Saiya, and Tatsumi."_

_My lower jaw trembled, though if it was because of the rage or the urge to cry, I was skeptical. 'And I thought Naomi and Saiya were my friends as well… Traitors.' I thought, feeling betrayed._

"_You knew you should not have let it get so far… You should have not let him get to your heart."_

"_How could I keep him away from it? He's Sesshoumaru- sama. A lord who gets whatever he wishes."_

"_So what are you going to do about it?" Keiko asked, her hands clutched tightly to her chest._

"_What is there to do…? I will continue on as his… __**whore**__." I said, spitting out the word like venom in my mouth; I turned and walked away. I passed Sesshoumaru- sama at the entrance of the garden I was just in; I knew that he knew I knew. _

"_Rin." He said, his voice stoic, although his eyes were swimming with unspoken emotion._

_I smiled up at him as I passed, "I understand, my lord."_

"_Rin…?" He said again when I continued walking, his reply coming out as a question._

_I did not stop, nor did I look back at him._

_Keiko and I never talked again after I found out there were six. Her being in second._

_**- Flashback of a Flashback ends and Flashback - **_

His sword crashed against mine, making me slide several feet back. I lost balance for a second, barely rebalancing myself before he assaulted me with another barrage of swings. I kept my eyes on him the whole time, secretly wishing and hoping that he would remember.

Remember what?

_Anything. _

I needed something, _anything_, that could help me.

I needed a miracle.

He managed to clip me on my right hip with the tip of his poison whip. The leg instantly collapsed under my weight, the poison quickly spreading through my body. _Dear Kami- sama… Do not let this be my last day. I want to live. I want to live and be happy… with Sesshoumaru._

Tears leaked out the side of my eyes as I did my best to ignore the searing pain the poison caused; I could feel it, _literally feel it_… It was coursing though my veins, shutting my body down, part by part. _Killing me softly._ I thought as I lunge at him one more time, putting as much of my power in my swing as I could manage. I was at him, the sword closing in on his rapidly beating heart.

The sword's sharp tip made its way through his armor and into the flesh of his chest.

I dropped to my knee's as his eyes returned to amber, recognition in his shocked gaze.

"No…" He whispered as he dropped to the ground as I fell, his sword clattering to the ground and his bloody arm slowly came out of my stomach, his eyes looking at the mass of blood gushing from my torso.

"Live…" I whispered through clenched teeth, a trail of blood dripping out of my mouth. "Live…" I whispered again and watched as his eyes looked to his bloodied arm as if it were something disgusting. Tears filled my eyes as I heard his last words.

"_Pregnant_…" Tears filled his amber eyes, "Please, Rin… Stay!"

I allowed my body to become limp and my eyes to close as one last breath filled my lungs and one last sentence left my mouth. "I still love you and will continue to always love you, Sesshoumaru…"

**Part Two: **

Her body was soon after buried in the garden in the Western Palace. It was one of her favorite places in the West; whenever she wasn't where she was supposed to be, you could bet that she was located there. Her scent lurked through-out the palace, even though she had been gone for nearly a year now. Everything seemed so tedious now, like there was nothing left for him to live for. The air was tranquil, and even though the sun still shown, he couldn't feel its heat caress his skin. It was like he was condemned to an eternity in the cold. _"I killed my own mate… my own pup…"_ he thought to himself as depression sunk further into his callous heart and charred soul. His nails dug into the rough palm of his hand, blood seeping out of the wounds. _"I bleed, and yet cannot feel. Is this my punishment?"_

The stoic Inu daiyoukai lord continued to stand on his balcony overlooking the opaque stormy sky. He was here, yes. However, mentally he was far away. His amber eyes held no spark, they were lusterless. His heart constricted painfully as if it was trying to slow each of the already slow beats. "This Sesshoumaru is sorry…" He whispered as a single tear rolled down his pale cheek. No one would ask him for details of her demise, he refused any and all questions. He slaughtered any who looked at him in pity. Rain fell from the sky and yet he remained outside; he did not care what people thought or said of him behind his back anymore. Rin was gone. His silver locks clung to him; you could not tell if he were crying or if it was the rain. Only if you were a youkai with a good nose would you be able to scent the salty scent of tears.

"It is indeed hard to believe she is gone, my lord."

He inclined his head slightly and looked to his kappa youkai retainer. "She will never truly be gone, Jaken. She will forever plague this Sesshoumaru's mind." he said in a low baritone.

"She would not have wished this upon you, my lord."

"No, she wouldn't." He agreed and dug his long talons into his palm once again, going deeper in than before. "That does not change the fact that she is gone, too far for I to bring back once more. Do not try to say otherwise. It does not change the fact that I am the reason she is dead. This Sesshoumaru wishes to die, and this is all the fault of a small _human female_. No, this Sesshoumaru always swore he would not meet the same fate as his father." he paused briefly in his speech; the longest one anyone had heard since his beloved's demise. "This Sesshoumaru did not meet the same fate as his father, no. He met one by far worse. This Sesshoumaru must live knowing that he killed his mate and pup. He must live knowing that he is at fault for the tears that fall throughout the palace."

"It is not your fault, my lord! Rin _knew_ what the risks were. If you must blame someone, then blame the sickness that plagues all the youkai across all the lands!" Jaken squabbled with wide eyes. He hated to see this side of the greatest youkai to ever live.

"We are doomed to subside to the plague, are we not? Why live with this knowledge? This Sesshoumaru's brother slaughtered his mate and was soon terminated by his slayer friend. He murdered his own pup, just as this Sesshoumaru has. He was lucky, he did not return to sanity before his demise." Sesshoumaru lowered his head. "You would not understand the inner turmoil I constantly feel. Knowing that I shall never feel her flesh against my own, her breath on my skin, her voice in my ear, her fresh scent lingering in my nose. This Sesshoumaru… was _in love._ I wish to feel at peace once again. I have survived the war, but at the cost of everything I have ever treasured. I live, and yet the West is still continuing crumbling." He choked on his next words and fell to his knees. Jaken stood there, looking at his master in shock.

'_Lord Sesshoumaru is… crying?' _He thought to himself. "Please my lord! Rin wished for you to live, not to become a pathetic beast!" Jaken knew the words were cruel… He knew they were, but he also knew that they were the truth.

The youkai lord turned insane red eyes towards his servant. "You have no room to speak!" his demonic voice boomed. "You have no _fucking_ right! EVERYTHING. The only damned thing this Sesshoumaru lived for is DEAD. My fault, Jaken! This is all my fault! It is this Sesshoumaru's hand that is permanently stained red with her blood in my mind. I smell it still to this day, and no matter how much scrubbing is done it REMAINS. You… You did not hold the half- formed body of your flesh and blood in your hand as you pulled your claws from her stomach. You did not have to hear her confess that she still and would ALWAYS love you in her _last breath_." he hissed.

Jaken stood still, trembling in fright as Sesshoumaru quickly stood once again and drew Bakusaiga. His eyes had returned to their usual amber color, but insanity still lurked in their depths. _'Is Lord Sesshoumaru going to… t-to kill me?'_

"This Sesshoumaru is tired of the plague that is taking over his mind. He wishes to be with his mate once again." Sesshoumaru whispered quietly as he raised Bakusaiga and pointed it down at his armor-less chest. The sword hovered against the skin in front of his heart. "If this is the only way to find peace once again, then this is how I shall do it.

"My lord! No, you cannot do this to us! We will have no hope if you die! You cannot die an honorless death!" Jaken stuttered, showing the first sign of tears in his beady yellow eyes.

"Leave me." the daiyoukai whispered. "This Sesshoumaru does not wish to annihilate himself with you stand there."

"Then I shall not leave, my lord!"

"Then die by this Sesshoumaru hand for disobeying you insolent servant! Now leave!"

The kappa youkai had no choice but to run from his masters chambers as fast as his short green legs would carry him. He tripped over his brown hakama pants right as he swung the double wooden doors open. He looked back once more at his lord, the one he had served under for the last two-hundred something years. He was sure this would be the last time he saw his dearest master. Bakusaiga was still positioned right over the Daiyoukai's heart. _I wish the ending could have been different, my lord. Please send my regards to Lady Rin if I do not make it back in time, Lord Sesshoumaru… I miss her terribly. _He thought as he collected himself off the ground and scurried out of the dimly lit room.

_Darkness consumes my heart… What have you made this Sesshoumaru become, Rin? You are his downfall. _The daiyoukai somberly thought as he closed his eyes and plunged the demonic sword into his heart. He dropped to his knees as Bakusaiga wedged itself into his blood-filled artery. His face lifted into a sad smile as he felt the room spinning and everything going numb. He sunk to the floor and through broken words he managed to say one last phrase. "I… I'm c-coming… for… y-you… R-Rin…"

People shouted in the background as the Lord of the Western lands took his last breath; Jaken was seconds too late.


End file.
